things to do before you are 30

#9 go for broke

Pookie — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:44:29 +0000

There comes a times in a young person’s life to rid themselves of all material goods and assets at least once in their life. Investing in an impossible dream or plainly squandering your money away in a drunken stupor are two different but effective approaches. How you decide to spend your money is irrelevant. The experience of surviving on only the bare essentials is of the utmost importance. Bouncing back after hitting rock-bottom will forever be the ultimate comeback story. The character obtained is priceless as you can boast of the very cliché, but incredible feat of turning nothing into something. This, of course, should be handled with extreme caution. Pulling a Christopher McCandless will not only give you an early death, but also give you the reputation of being an idiot.

If you are having difficult achieving such a low level of poverty, here are some suggestions to spend your money in many ludicrous and pointless ways.

1. Hire a hooker

2. Withdraw your bank account and put it on black (if you win, either repeat #2 or choose any other option)

3. Have your friends pull hilarious stunts for money

4. Rent a hotel room and destroy it via rocking out

5. drugs

6. Buy as many Star Wars figurines as possible, bring them to an comicon, and set them on fire and putting them out with your stream of justice.

These are just a few suggestions. There are numerous other creative ideas that are both entertaining and borderline retarded so please do not be afraid to experiment. After achieving bum nirvana, only then will you have the chance to attain the “American dream.” I mean shit, this guy did it.

#8 streaking

Pookie — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:47:49 +0000

Nothing is more effective for delivering shock and entertainment value than streaking. The notion of running around in public wearing nothing but your birthday suit is a cheap and efficient way to draw attention and/or cause a plethora of people to be sad in the pants. With the added risk of potential arrest, streaking is quite literally one of the ballsiest deeds you can perform.

Streaking is a great way to get noticed as well as giving you a feeling of freedom from your pants (and the social norm). Streaking goes great with alcohol and is often issued as a dare or some sort of wacky rule. This street performance is best executed in areas that are densely populated such as sports arenas or main intersections as you will draw giggles, looks of disgust, and projectile vomit. It is a good idea to execute this before you are thirty because nobody likes to see old man balls. As far as woman streakers go; awesome.

winner winner chicken dinner

#7 go to a haunted house

Pookie — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 20:12:29 +0000

Since it’s Halloween, subjecting yourself to paranoia and anxiety is acceptable, in fact, even encouraged. If you have never experienced a good haunted house, it is advised that you go. You will experience fear in ways that make your palms and feet sweat as you keep telling yourself it’s not real.

The best thing to do is feign that you are undaunted in front of your peers and expose them for the yellow-bellied cowards that they are. The excitement of the haunted house will cause an adrenaline rush and provide an euphoric feeling of relief when its over; the same kind of relief that you get when peeing, unless it has already happened from the fear. Once you turn 30, you are immune to social pressures and you face a chance of a heart attack and/or high blood pressure.

If you have neither the time nor the money to do this, then just go to a Halloween party as there will be many girls dressed in the most scandalous attire, free of guilt. =)

Happy Halloween

#6 live in another world by yourself

Pookie — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:44:08 +0000

By another “world” I mean environment. Another country, another town, another coast; all these are great choices for your own personal out of “world” experience. Most people spend most of their early lives in the same area or proximity of where they grew up. People tend to stay within their comfortable zones and what is more comfortable than your hometown? Well as familiar and comforting as it may be it is BORING AS HELL.

Once you get past the everlasting fire it is actually quite boring

You need to get out there. Explore the world without bringing a friend. Make new friends instead. Doing this will give you a greater sense of independence and confidence in yourself. Going somewhere new just for vacation only teaches you how to be a tourist. By going there with the intent to spend at least a year there will give you a sense of establishment. This will open the door to learning the culture, experiencing the weather, tasting the food, meeting the locals, as well as finding out what sucks. Lets face it, everywhere you go, there is going to be something that sucks. There are pros and cons to everything.

Integrating yourself into a new society is a great way to build character and you should try and do so before you are 30. Once you are 30 you have obligations, kids, thus preventing you from dicking around in another country. Being 30 will limit you to the places you can go, the people you can meet, and the fun you can have.

#5 crash a soirée

Pookie — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:11:38 +0000

While this is still an option when you are thirty, it will be heavily frowned upon by society and seen as an act of immaturity and disrespect. Twenty year olds will get away with disrespect and immaturity because it is expected and will even be praised by their peers for being “ballsy.”

Here is where you can drink champagne until you are drunk, stuff yourself with hors d’oeuvres, have wine-chugging contests, and hit on middle-aged, married women. Doing this will make everyone around you appalled and whisper to their respective party about how unruly and ill-mannered kids are these days. These events are fun because many times they are sponsored by rich companies that provide everything on the house to debut their new collection of whatever they are trying to sell.

Carrying on with these actions will eventually give you enough recognition to earn the prize of getting thrown out by security…which is fine since you have already indulged to fullest and you had a great night for free.

cheers

#4 hirer a prostitute

Pookie — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:40:21 +0000

Hiring a prostitute is something you should do when you are younger because later, there are social distractions and interferences that may prevent you from doing so e.g. wife, kids, reputation. This may sound a bit obvious or even cliché, but here’s the twist. Upon hiring a “lady friend,” you should ask her for what her rates are and then take her back and ask her to do something nonsexual. Tell her you just want to talk about your feelings. Ask her if she wants to watch a movie or better yet, pull out a board game like checkers or snakes and ladders. This will be both hilarious and fun at the same time. If you feel that this is too expensive an investment, there are alternatives. Go for one of the cheaper low-end models. You won’t be doing anything physical with them anyways and you’ll give them a nice self-esteem booster.

hey baby, wanna play...some battleship?

#3 experiment with drugs

Pookie — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:51:39 +0000

Although this is dangerous and can lead to addiction, this will allow you to experience reality in a different light and may cause enlightenment in ways you never thought possible. At the same time, it is important to proceed with caution as abuse will lead to addiction and/or possible overdose resulting in an early death (minor drawback). Other than that, it is a great way to let loose and break out of your shell. Because of your youth, your body is able to recover quickly from the ill effects thus minimizing the damage.

check out this very good article on marijuana:

http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/viewresource.asp?resourceID=141

#2 get into a fight

Pookie — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:39:40 +0000

Being at the peak of your strength, why not get into a fight? Fights have existed in nature since the beginning of time and is just a natural occurrence in life, despite the social connotations that violence is wrong and evil. In your school there were probably a number of fights that you have witnessed and you’ll hear people say, “Those guys are stupid,” or “They are so immature,” all the while watching intently to the bitter end. That’s because the inherent truth is, everybody loves a fight, they just don’t want to be in one. This is understandable seeing how it causes physical pain and can potentially ruin your reputation as well as your self-esteem.

But on the upside, being in a fight will reveal what type of person you are. Whether you step back or charge forward. Whether you freeze up or you react instantly. Whether you become hot headed or calm under pressure. This will show a lot about your character.

In addition it is also a great workout. Most fights don’t last past 2 minutes because the participants are too tired. It also provides relief from stress. Your fight should be a story you will want to share with your grandkids one day. This is your moment of great triumph or defeat even if it only lasted 15 seconds. Chicks dig scars and above all else, it will make one hell of a great story, especially if you lose. Pain is temporary, glory is forever.

#1 Dunk

Pookie — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:07:28 +0000

For many people, this may never become a reality, but dunking is the closest thing to flying that mankind can achieve on physical ability alone. This will be the time to train your hardest to reach the peak of your vertical leaping ability because your legs will never be stronger, younger, and more flexible. Jumping high is not something you can improve on as you get older. Even if you train and you fail at dunking, a high vertical leap is an attribute that is just cool to possess even if sports are not your thing.

5'8 Nate Robinson